The Paradox of the Inexperienced Bottom/sub

There's a weird little paradox on fetlife and in the community that we don't talk about much. Probably because it pisses people off, like this writing will. But this is not a candy factory. I don't sugar coat shit here.

How many times do we laugh, roll our eyes, make some shitty status update when the 20 year old Master/Dom "has now entered the chat"? I thank buddha that I came onto Fetlife as a 30 something. Jesus.

And yet, 22 year old submissive who has "been in the lifestyle since they were 13" and everyone's mouth waters. Lip licking commences. Its the meme of the dude behind the tree rubbing his hands together come to life. He/she has been untouched by tainted dick or pussy!

And I'm not just going to talk about age here. Because that's the low hanging fruit. I'm talking about an overwhelmingly exceedingly strong lack of anything resembling experience. And if we want to go a step further beyond that - an unwillingness to learn or desire for self-education.

I call it the "show up sub". I showed up. Do the things to me. You should be honored to.

Here I digress for one moment and take a break. Look there's nothing wrong with inexperience. Nothing at all. Everyone has to learn. I've made it a bit of my stock and trade to try and educate here. But horses and leading and water something something something. What is wrong is this attitude of entitlement.

If the saying goes that we manifest what we are into reality, then there is no brighter shining north star of inexperience meets bad experience.

I can't count the number of times I had a message or met someone in the community who fucking showed up and by showed up, I mean they were present and were able to fog a mirror. And they believed that was pretty fucking sufficient. For me, a pretty good litmus test for an inexperienced sub or bottom is that they want to play with me and have read some of my dumb ass ramblings on here. But for some, that seems like work and well look, titties, penis, cute smile. Done.

I hate rejecting someone with no experience. I do. Not because I'm going to be professor daddy dom teacher and get that fun. No. Because when I make them do a bit of work, a lot of times they immediately reject that because guess what, rigger dude/dudette over there doesn't require all of this. They just want to tie and maybe touch my pussy or dick. I dunno yet. Thanks for chatting!

Work begets work. Respect begets respect. You manifest..

If you want a formula for consent violation, it goes a little like this:

Inexperience + frenzy x opportunist = consent violation.

Here's what we've made sexy in this life. I have no limits, you can do anything, first meet CNC scene at a hotel, no safe call, I'm a blank slate.

Here's what we should make sexy. Let's talk about this, what's your STI status and condom policy, here's what I've learned so far, what else do you recommend?, do you have references?, tell me what makes a good bottom?

Guys and gals who are subs or bottoms. Just showing up isn't good enough.